He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i believe in u and ur pee
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i out mim tonsoeep
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