So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
