Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
