So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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