so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
