I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My life is pants optional.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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