All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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