It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You made out with two different species that night
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
