im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
