mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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