You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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