We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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