I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
