i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
