Yo dont text me then not text me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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