I looked at my own cervix.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
