Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
