just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
