I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
