I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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