my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
