My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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