guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
