Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
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Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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