She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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