I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
