It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I touched a dick in church today
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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