When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
