just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
