they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
