I wanna passion pit in your ass
She's the barista slut.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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