i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
