Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
