Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
