I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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