worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
