I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
