Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
