i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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