can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
