just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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