why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
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Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
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My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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