I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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