im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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