I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
