The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
