I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
