uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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