HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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