There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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