just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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