This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize