Are we in a gay sports bar?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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