I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
