Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
