remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
