Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Everyone says I win the strip club