i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.