My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?