I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
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I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.