Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
