after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.