I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
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I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.