Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
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Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?