my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
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Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them