Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.