my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
