Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There are leaves in my underwear?
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