I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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