At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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