I faked an abortion last night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
