look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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