very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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