I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
