I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just blew my weed a kiss
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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