Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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