why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we have pet lesbian snakes
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
